What happened to all of this extra time?

I used to wonder how my fellow bloggers fell off the blog wagon and wondered how they struggled to keep up with weekly or monthly blogs. I have become what I never thought I would be. I no longer have the time or desire to blog. Don't get me wrong, I do love blogging, I ALWAYS have something on my mind and I love sharing my thoughts, feelings, family etc. with the world. I just don't have as many extra hours in the day as I would like.

I remember thinking, oh once Kieran is a better sleeping and when he's sleeping through the night I'll have more time because I won't be tired. Get real. He's been sleeping through the night for the past month and a half, and now I am ENJOYING my extra sleep and I am certainly not taking advantage of the "extra" time. There is no extra time!

My new excuse is when I'm done pumping than I'll have all the extra time in the world. I currently pump 7 times a day. Each time I pump I pump between 15 min and 30 min. That's about 2 hours of my day I will get back when I'm done pumping so realistically I'm hoping that I WILL be more productive when I'm done pumping. Unfortunately, and maybe fortunately for Kieran, I still have about 3 more months of pumping left under my belt.

Kieran will be a year old in one month and 4 days. How the heck did we get to this point? Where did my little 4 pounder go? I am enjoying this age so much and I am really lucky that I have such an even tempered, well mannered little boy.

I have now been back to work for about 3 months now. I am really enjoying being back at work and although I was really worried about the time I would miss, I am really not missing too much. Ok, yes I am missing 40+ hours a week, but the time I do have with him is better spent and he is so happy because he really does love school and his teachers love and treat him like he is one of their own.

I am really lucky that my work is so flexible and that they are letting me pump four times during the work day. I used to pump only three and than my supply started to dip and I had to up the pumping. It has really helped and I am able to keep up with Kieran's need without dipping into my freezer stash. I do however rotate out the fresh with the frozen since the frozen only lasts 3 months, but I'm not going to run out, which at one point I was afraid of.

I always knew or hoped that I would be able to breastfeed for a year, and now that the year is almost here it's hard for me to think that he won't need me as much. Yes, yes he will ALWAYS need his Mommy, but for the past 11 months, I have been responsible for providing and producing the milk that allows him to grow and thrive. It's really pretty amazing that as mammals we are able to produce milk and feed our young.

Although it makes me sad that Kieran is getting older, I am getting excited about not having to pump anymore and to having my body back, oh yeah and those extra 2+ hours a day. I have decided to pump until the end of October which is a little past his adjusted one year birthday. After that the pump will go into retirement for at least a few years. I haven't decided about nursing, since that doesn't take up much time it's the awful pumping sessions. Kieran is already not very interested in nursing, so I'll probably see how it goes and it's my prediction that he'll wean himself pretty quickly. With me working full time I would only be able to nurse in the morning and night, but the extra antibodies I could provide through the winter may be worth it, if he's interested. Again I don't know for sure what I'm going to do, only time will tell.